Is Boston more dangerous than Uganda?

I apologize for the long silence - between a broken thumb, an out-of-country husband, a baby having serious medical issues... I got behind in pretty much everything!

The Boston Marathon bombing hit close to home.

As a resident physician, I worked the medical tent at the marathon.  I expected heat/cold injuries, tendon injuries, dehydration... I would never have expected the medical tent to be transformed into a war zone medical tent.  I would have been shocked... traumatized... grateful to be present and helpful... my family would have been so worried about me... my family might have lived through a certain portion of grief just imagining what life would be like if I was several yards closer to the blast zone...

When we moved our young family overseas, some people objected.  How could we put our children in danger by moving to AFRICA?!

We argued that the safest place to be is in the center of God's will.

No, not physical safety necessarily.  God doesn't guarantee physical safety.  But He does promise to take care of His children.

On the day of the bombing in Boston, we were physically safer in Uganda than we would have been watching a friend run a foot race while sipping an iced latte in clothes that fit and pushing our children in the best strollers and bicycles known to mankind.

Might I lose one (or more) of my children on the mission field? Yes.

Might I lose one (or more) of my children safely tucked in a quiet New Hampshire community? Yes.

Might I gain the whole world only to lose my soul?

If the only thing holding you back from going where God is sending you is physical safety, think again.  Yes, we need to be responsible - I don't send my children out walking alone.  I even watch them walking to the trash pit (even if they don't know that I'm peeking out the window at them).  But God is teaching me to loosen my grasp on what I cannot control and trust the sovereign creator of the universe to care for my little ones.

Is God calling you to the inner city? Is God bigger than drive-by shootings?

Is God calling you to a farm? Is God bigger than horses and farm equipment that can harm your child?

Is God calling you to Uganda? We serve a big and sovereign God who already knows the numbers of our days!

The gospel and disabilities - resources

Sermons
The fellowship of his suffering - Conrad Mbewe
Desiring God collection - John Piper has preached extensively on suffering
Works of God conference - November 2012 - Desiring God

Books
Disability and the Sovereign Goodness of God - John Piper
Disability and the Gospel: How God Uses Our Brokenness to Display His Grace - Michael Beates
Why, O God? Suffering and disability in the Bible and the church - Waters
Just the Way I Am: God's Good Design in Disability - Krista Horning
Wrestling with an Angel: A Story of Love, Disability and the Lessons of Grace - Greg Lucas

Suffering and the Sovereignty of God - John Piper and Justin Taylor

Blog post
How I should live with disability - Krista Horning - by Justin Taylor

Resources
Joni and friends

Please comment if you have more resources that I should add to this list!

Empty of self

I think in the USA I could convince myself that I was something.  I could fake it pretty well.

I only had to clean my house when company was coming over because no one pops in unannounced.

I could plan dinner on my way home –buy frozen meatballs or a jar of tomato sauce.

I could take my child to every specialist “just to make sure.”

I could find babysitters so I could go shopping alone or see a friend.

But here, God has brought me to a beautiful place of emptiness.  For several months, that emptiness was nearly despair as I slowly let go of trying to make things happen, be a good mom and wife, get things done, keep the house that I want others to see, keep the ministries afloat, be in control of something…

Just in time for Josh’s month long absence (between multiple trips to various regions of Uganda and culminating with a two-week trip to another continent), God filled me with an understanding that I am and have nothing to offer.  And it’s BEAUTIFUL! God wants my best, but, in a world out of my control, I know that I am secure in my relationship with the ONE who is in control.

Do you want peace?

Do you want comfort?

Do you want joy?

Stop trying to gain it yourself.  You will fail.

God brought me to this lovely place of complete humiliation, complete emptiness, the end of myself and then gave me some tests.  Little tests while Josh was out of country.  Tests that brought me joy.  Tests that he used to show me that HE is great!

The power has been out for… weeks… I lost count!

Our water filter stopped working.

I broke my right thumb.

My computer stopped working (it miraculously revived when Josh got home!).

The car got a flat.

The children got sick (never something we take lightly here).

God challenged me to live more sacrificially and tested my willingness to take in a child for emergency medical foster care – I found myself willing, much to my delight, as I single-parented my five lively children.  This is Africa, so the medical foster care didn’t happen, but instead, I got the greater joy of helping to equip our Ugandan staff to care for this child. 

Gulu has been out of… well, pretty much everything you might want to purchase… cooking gas, petrol, cheese, meat, yogurt...

But, when I’m empty of myself, I am not fearing these challenges.  I am not surprised by these challenges.  I am not rocked.  In fact, these challenges are kinda fun!

When I’m full of myself, I cannot control the way things happen here.  I cannot hide behind the predictability of the North American lifestyle.  I cannot pretend that I’m on top of things by buying a quick meal and fresh flowers.  When I think I’m something in and of myself, those things can drive me crazy.

Instead, I rejoice that I can be a broken empty vessel, filled to overflowing with God’s grace, used as an instrument in my redeemer’s hands to minister to the broken. 

Where is the end of yourself? What journey will God have you travel to reach the point of emptiness so that you can be filled with much greater joy, peace, and grace?

On a related note - Disability and the Gospel: How God uses our brokenness to display his grace. 

Missionary blessings: daily adventures

No, our life is not a daily exotic adventure... but every day brings the unexpected.

My day is much like yours - feed the family, clean the family, toilet the family, get the family places on time, and somewhere in there try to make the right choices about my priorities.

But in the midst of attempted routine, every day brings a flare for the dramatic.  You can count on nothing - will there be power? will there be water? will there be ink for the printer, petrol for the car, gas for the stove? will someone you're counting on to show up actually show up and show up when you are expecting them? who will show up at your doorstep right when your child decides to disobey?

I can't even describe all the things that "go wrong" in a given day - it almost sounds unbelievably ridiculous some days.  No one would believe us.

And yet these adventures are such a blessing, such a gift.  If I ever thought I was in control before, now I KNOW that I am not.  In the past, I may have deluded myself into thinking that I was sovereign.  There's no delusion now.  I am in control of nothing.  I can make nothing happen when I want it to happen.  Nothing is "ideal" (especially when it comes to treating patients on my front porch or trying in vain to refer them somewhere).

What a blessing, my friends! I am called to be faithful, and here, on this mission field, and that is all that I can do.  Be faithful to what God has called me to be.  Minister to the needy and pray that they better understand the gospel after seeing me.  Minister to my family and pray that they better understand the gospel after experiencing the raw unfiltered me.  Encourage my husband when he, for the 8th month in a row, fails to get this one certain task done (by NO fault of his own!).

THIS is a blessing!

Missionary blessings: touching lives directly

We get to be on the front lines.

Even in our role of equipping our Ugandan counterparts to minister, we're still much more on the front lines than our sending churches.

We have the privilege of figuring out how to help that starving child and his family directly.  We have the opportunity to pick up the snotty child and share dirt.  We get to pray with that woman as her husband dies of AIDS.  We get to choose, quite literally, if we will eat meat this week or instead feed meat to the orphans under our care.

For most of you who read my blog, you live vicariously through us.  And WE get the privilege of having a very direct effect on our community, on the community that you pray for, that you give financially for, that you teach your children about.

What a blessing and immense privilege for us! I'm not saying it's easy to be on the front lines.  In fact, historically, missionaries have been so moved by the desperate situations that they face, that we have created worse situations.  Handing out food is not the answer.  Taking in vulnerable children is not the answer.  Paying a child's school fees is not the answer.

Only CHRIST is the answer for this world's brokenness.  Pray for us to have wisdom when it comes to relieving physical suffering and need - that we would understand how best to proclaim Christ and his gospel!

Missionary blessings: seeing God work

You can see God's hand anywhere AND everywhere.

But on the mission field, you find yourself more dependent than ever on God and his grace.  We have the privilege of seeing his work first hand.  His protection, his grace, his mercy, his providence, his blessings, his sanctifying processes...

We have less things in our lives to distract us from seeing his hand.  We are totally immersed in ministry - as an entire family.  We try to have social events with people outside of our ministries, but most of our time is spent with our co-workers in ministry.  Most of our friends are our Acholi friends who minister with us.  Most of our conversations are about ministry and about how God is working.  As we talk nonstop about things of God, it becomes so very apparent that HE is a great God!

There is nothing predictable about life here.  When there is power, we praise God! When there is water, we praise God! When there is not, we praise God... or seek to see God's purpose as we fight for joy! When something happens smoothly, we see God's hand.  When something happens in the usual non-smooth way, we see God's sanctifying work in our lives.  When things seem to be falling apart, we thank God for revealing an area of weakness or an area of danger in our lives or the ministries.

God is active and powerful.  God is bigger than any of our circumstances.  God is victor in the spiritual realm and the earthly realm.  THIS is who we serve and seeing his hand at work is an incredible blessing, not only available to missionaries - but available to all of his children!

House help - what?!

Many missionaries around the world hire house help.

WHAT?!

It can be very uncomfortable, at least for Americans.

How can I ask someone else to wash my dishes and mop my floor? How can I ask someone else to do things that I don't enjoy doing, like hanging the laundry in the hot sun and cleaning bathrooms?

The reality is that hiring house help is often the right thing to do.  Here are a few reasons:

1) The requests for financial assistance are unending.  Not a week goes by that our gate man doesn't let someone in to ask me for money.  By hiring a trusted person to help in my house, I'm giving her an income and contributing to the local economy.  In some communities, it's almost expected that the missionary will hire someone(s) as a contribution to the community.

2) Discipleship happens in the home.  My helper is a born-again Christian and is eager to talk about things of the Lord.  She's interested in how we raise our children and train them, instead of letting them run wild.  Although the two of us stay busy, we usually have at least one conversation a day that points to the Lord.  As our relationship deepens, we've been able to talk about God's role and view on marriage, family, orphans, schooling, church, health and wealth teaching (prominent in Uganda), etc.  Her son spent much of his "summer" holiday with us, playing with our children, doing homeschool work with us, etc.

3) Everything is a lot of work here.  Everything is made from scratch, the water often has to be hauled in buckets to do the laundry or dishes, the floor is always dirty from the desert sand/dust that is blowing our way, 3 children in cloth diapers have a way of producing more and more diapers... If Christine wasn't helping me, I couldn't do any ministry.  Last week, she was away.  I was very pleased that I not only survived, but the family ate well, and the house stayed clean.  (This was only my second time without help since the baby was born.)  BUT, no homeschooling happened and I didn't leave the house.  I still fielded medical phone calls, up to my neck in crying children, and I still had lots of people pouring through our home.  My administrative tasks fell to the wayside and I didn't see Home of Love all week.

4) Learning.  I have learned so much from Christine and from my other helpers over the last year and a half.  I intentional spend time asking questions about how they view things, about how they do things, and about language.  We laugh together over the strange ways that us mzungus do things.  As my priority is on the home and making the home a place of peace and rest for my husband, I have my own culture and language teachers right here with me.

5) I am still responsible to run my household.  In fact, having someone else help me with housework requires me to be much more intentional about running my household.  I have to plan ahead, think through schedules, and not just randomly keep house.  It's up to me to run the household smoothly and prepare it for my husband and children.  I DO struggle with guilt in not doing all the work myself and my goal is to get to the point where I can ask Christine to watch the children while I study the Bible - there's something about having someone else do what I am "supposed to be doing" that makes it difficult for me to focus, rest quietly, and meditate on God's words.  There is a sinful pride in me that wants to be all and do all for my family.  But, as I work through these aspects, I also work through what it means to run the household, plan meals, plan cleaning, plan teaching, plan shopping.  I'm able to focus more on meeting Josh's needs rather than running so hard that I don't even notice when he comes home.

I've had Christine teach my children some things, like how to "pick" bo (pick the leaves off stems of a popular edible green leafy), shell ground nuts, and even do dishes.  I lurk around while she's teaching them and coach the children in listening, follow her instruction, working hard, and being respectful.  It's a great opportunity for them to interact one-on-one with an adult besides me in a controlled and teachable situation!

There are so many things about this culture that are so very different from Western culture - and this is one of them!